Classy Living

Kyrie eleison, Christe eleison

we all do things, and they are mostly not good. we need the confrontation and intervention of the most holy Trinity. i suppose this realization of the doctrine called “total depravity” is one we ought to have over and over again. we get puffed up and we strain ourselves with a desire to do things well in confidence. that needs to be stopped and our God knows this. so He grants us this humbling revelation. it hurts but i suppose it should lead to peace in the knowledge that God will get me through despite my brokenness. it should feel good, i think. i am now home and i was overwhelmed by a joy of seeing everybody. but i come back to my bed after a long day and now i cannot help but remember my brokenness and sinfulness and realize that being here is not the answer. i still feel empty and lacking… for He is all i need. being in a certain place won’t ail my broken heart. where i am, whether it be Michigan, or Oregon, or Japan, or Poland, or wherever, i will be stuck in this brokenness. my location does not change that. i am starting to realize i won’t feel at peace anywhere if my heart is not resting in His. i don’t want to give it all to Him. but i have to. i have to.

because a woman won’t solve this.
because a job won’t solve this.
because good old drunken fun won’t solve this.
because my knowledge on theology won’t solve this.
because nothing i do on my own and nothing of this world will fill my heart with true peace and satisfaction. 
He alone can. He alone intends to. He alone will. 

Lord, give me grace to let go. give me grace to embrace my brokenness so that i may embrace your power and sovereignty. 

Notes:

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6. kevinpriest said: perfect. needed to hear this too. so, thanks for your thoughts and your being more wise than me.
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9. solideogloriaa said: amen, brotha.
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